I pledge my commitment to the Blog For Mental Health 2013 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.

A special thank you to Ruby, who pledged me. Blog For Mental Health 2013 > I Was Just Thinking…

I do not remember a time I did not have mental health issues. When I was in Kindergarten, my mother had to take me to a therapist for testing in order to find out if I was mentally retarded(which is what they called it then). This was all because I was a quiet girl who kept to herself. Oh, and also counted the bricks on the way into school, therefore making me late. I was the only kid I knew that tried to play hooky from kindergarten. I’m pretty sure that was the beginning of my social anxiety. They determined that I wasn’t below average but above. The social anxiety helped dull any shine that would have had for me.

I am a self injurer. I started probably not long after kindergarten. It went in spurts, as it still does. I would like to say I no longer do this, but, when things get really bad, unfortunately I do. I was an injurer before it was even understood. An anomaly in the world of which I did not feel a part of to begin with.

I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD from Sexual Abuse, Social Anxiety, and, recently, Bipolar. The last one is kind of new but one that has been bounced around by several psychiatrists over the last 10 years or so. Finally they determined I was. More down times then up. Feeling so dismal, I welcome a manic stage. They never last long. Sometimes they make my anxiety worse. I also have one suicidal attempt under my belt. Nothing I’m proud of and nothing that has disappeared from my thoughts.

I was taught over my lifetime that I should be able to just snap out of it, think happy thoughts, don’t be so dark, etc.. If I could have I would have. I’ve fought long and hard to get to the point of understanding and compassion toward myself. Yes, I take medicine. I definitely believe it is trial and error to find something that works for you, because no one treatment works for everyone.

It was after my last Major Depressive Episode that I decided to start writing again. I needed to get the thoughts out of my head. I wanted others to understand they are not alone in this. I wanted those who do not seem to experience it to understand their friends and family that do deal with it. It is not an easy path to travel for the one who suffers or the one who supports.

I feel honored to be asked to be a part of the Blog for Mental Health 2013. Mental Illness is nothing that should be ashamed of. It is like any other chronic illness that is out there and needs to be worked on. I should know, I suffer from that too. Suffer or supporter, you have a place here and many other blogs. You are not alone.

I pledge the three other bloggers to join in this commitment:

Chipur
bphope
I Breathed Again